"False Truths, Undone Promises"

I wanted to know what everyone thought about false truths (when someone tells you something that they believe is true but isn’t=lies) 

and about promises not kept.  I’m the sort of person who wont make a promise if I know I cant keep it.  It makes my “word” less 

valuable if everyone understands what I’m trying to say.  Then let’s not forget lies!  Why the lies, just spit out the truth.  It’s so 

much easier to say the truth then to go through the trouble of having to keep covering up your lie with more lies, don’t you 

think?  This is something short and sweet on my opinion…I’d really like to hear what you guys have to say on the matter-

Love, Butta

"Preface" in "Through My Dreams Come My Nightmares"

This is my introduction to my book that will be completed soon..I wanted to share it even though it's not quite finished, just to see what you thought of it--enjoy.

EXTERNAL:

Vermillion lipstick.

Blushed cheeks

and mascara eyelashes-

is all a woman’s best friend

and every young girls dream

in one day wearing.

The spiritual intro.  It’s like- Satan in human flesh, yet we are all a reflection of him and God when we walk through our doors.  Even though comfortable to walk in my own skin, there are days I wish I stood six feet in height.  I wish I had an older sibling, in which I could wear their hand-me-downs.  I like to watch water move in whatever state it’s in, even though I cannot swim, whether pounding out of a faucet or the calming ripples in a stream.  I am still a child- every young curious child has a young curious soul in them.  Curiosity will probably get me killed; I think I will go and find my way to the Westboro Baptist Church to tell them that I love “gay people” and am a “confirmed nudist”- and maybe they’d lynch me or chase me off the face of the earth.

INTERNAL:

My eyes are like those of Chuck Ferris-

I wish;

my writing is like the Bronte sisters-

I dream.

The emotional.  There are days I walk on dirt, feeling like I am walking toward the end of my life, half awake, feeling completely unbalanced- as if going through a transitional phase.  Focusing so hard on the sky, I see balls of cotton fluff move, merging into one another recreating different shapes.  I form ideas in my hands for they are what I also use to write them down.  Smooth and swift is the way I wish things would be, yet- I tend to not write my best during these periods and I wish I could since I have turned from this macicist fad two years ago. 

When I write in public

I try to fade with the darkness

the walls cast in the corner,

blend in with the rest of the room;

it never seems to happen-

someone inspires me to write-

or they disfigure my imagination.

The physical.  During my transitional phases I tend to dwell so much on my nightmares, dreams and daydreams- either clashing angelic visions with sinful actions or vice versa.  Teenagers faces are pimpled with the problems of adults in today’s society--the already dead, die again and people are actually dying on hospital beds.  Polar bears are forced to listen to the movement and the breaking of the ice underneath their paws before having to hold their breath for the plunge of death—the death that we as a race are causing.  So, walk barefoot to the end of the earth(feel the morning dew, feel the earth’s pain and sorrow, feel its happiness and joy), allow conversation to be held with inspiration(unite with your true character, learn to recognize who you are-be motivated by those who are motivated) and discover the true colors of love(when your fighting to not let go who you fell in love with from the start). 

You can never make anything less

or more of what it actually is-

enjoy it for the moment,

it’ll mean so much more later.

The mental conclusion.  The moments before you know if someone is an asshole or crazy or not are the most exciting—they are the “golden” moments when you are learning of someone else other than yourself.  The things you never saw will one day appear and you will see everything.  People can only give you the advice you are willing to comprehend and take.  Broadening the mind is what will cause the transition from no longer being that curious child-but that mature adult with a curious soul.

-Butta Love, the provocative verbalist.

CHEATING in a relationship, Pt. 2

One thing I have to put out there is that cheating is not for everyone.  You have to know whether or not you are willing to mentally be with someone other than your partner.  Cheating is a hurtful process and I believe that if you really care for a person you should really try to work things out or just leave them, because I've left an ex partner for the same reason, he was unwilling to show me that he cared for my emotions, my pleasure, etc.  I say emotions because there are times when you don't want to cheat because of anything sexual but because your partner is not emotionally being their for you.  In my opinion, it is not worth it from there and is what I like to call a "dead end" relationship.  You can't force someone to show you the emotional aspect that you need, all you can do is tell them what they are lacking, hope that they will do something about it and wait it out until you see it's not worth it anymore.

"I'm strongly against it.  No one deserves to be cheated on... It hurts.." -Mr. Taylor


My mouth dropped when my friend Taylor said this to me, because I've known Taylor for a while now and he never seemed to come off the type to be against it... I'm glad that there are some men out there who won't "physically" cheat.  Like I always say, men are cut with the same scissors, but not all made from the same cloth.

I was talking to my dear friend Dallas from L.A. and this is what he had to say about it-

"Cheating is whack, but in 2009 monogamy is dead in the hearts of the masses.  No one understands the foundation that's supposed to be set within a relationship.... I know more married men that cheat than I know business men... but I do believe in faithful relationships". - Dallas

I love Dallas. he's always realistic and I agree 100% with what he's saying.  That's why I believe it's either your committed or your not, that goes for both people in the relationship.  If your partner is not willing to work things out, their not committed, YET if your partner is not willing to fix the problem, they aren't either.  Now this isn't a battle between 2 wrongs make a right, but you really have to ask yourself, how much do you really like or love this person, and are you willing to be committed, meaning understanding, realizing that being in a relationship also means compromising for the needs and wants of your partner, etc.  I do believe in faithful relationships because I've been there.  I've seen both sides.  Cheating, I know it's a lot of work, I know it hurts, all of that- BUT I also know that its comforting when you have someone else who's willing to do what your partner wont, whether it be mentally, physically or emotionally.

Another way at looking at it is how my friend Supreme put it-

" You can be in an average relationship with a person and you get bored but then someone you know starts giving signs that they are a better match..." - Supreme

True.  The only thing about this is that I would never leave my partner because I am bored of him.  I find that to be pretty dumb.  That's why communication is key.  Talk about it and the reason for the stimulation to be fading away because leaving someone you have dedicated time to for someone who is just there and is showing you a good time at that moment is more than likely to only be there for that moment.  Sometimes it can be your fault that your bored, because I get bored very easily and I tell my boyfriend he always has to keep me on my feet, don't let me get bored because that's when I start my wandering, but that's just how I've always been.  Will I leave him for someone else who's caught my interest at that moment? Never.  But I would if I felt that it wasn't working out and the interest for him fading would play a role in it.  You can never or should allow for your partner to loose interest in you, that's something you need to take care of.

I wanted to get a girls point of view so I asked my friend Kitty and one of my best girl friends Michelle what their thoughts were on the situation.

"I disapprove of it, but yet I do it.  I feel that different people have different things to offer.  You'll never find a perfect individual... So just enjoy the different aspects of them all. It hurts to the person your committed to but sometimes you have to be selfish". -Kitty

Sadly, that's exactly how I used to think, that's when my commitment phobia was at full blast, as some of you may know I'm still working on my commitment issues, but trust i have come a long way from how I used to be.  You just need someone with a good foundation on being committed to you and it'll help a lot.  My ex, Fah taught me a lot about commitment and it helped me stay committed to him... yes like some of my girls would say, for a bit too long, but I was committed.  Now Michelle had a different approach- leave it to my girl Michelle to be the one to bring everything together LOL.  I love this girl.  She didn't agree with cheating, yet I don't believe she was against it either.  Like I said, it depends on the person.  

I don't approve of cheating if you don't have a reason too.  I don't believe in selfishness anymore when it comes to relationships, because if that's the case don't be in one.  Like I always say, to each their own, but you should never just jump into something like this because you do have to remember about the feelings of your partner and what it'll do for you in the long run as well.  I don't feel that people should cheat because their partner is absent from their lives for a while because it just simply means they weren't that important that you couldn't wait.  People should not cheat because everyone else is doing it, or to get even with their partner for doing it to them- because at the end you will be the one looking like the fool.

"The moment you cheat for the sake of beauty, you have cheated yourself out of something good for something that appears better". -Butta Love, the provocatve verbalist

I hope this was interesting for you all as much as it was for me.  Til next time.

-Butta Love, the provocative verbalist

CHEATING in a relationship, Pt. 1

Here is the topic you've all been waiting for. LOL sorry it took me longer than I thought.  I know you guys were beating me up about it... but here it is, por fin. My opinion on something I know too much about-

"I have good looking kids.  Thank God my wife cheats on me". - Rodney Dangerfield (one of my favorite quotes on cheating)

Cheating takes form in many different ways.  I want to start off by saying that the way men cheat and the way women cheat ARE NOT the same.   My friend Seneca agreed by saying:

"If a guy cheats, which I'm not condoning, its different then if a woman cheats".

-Seneca

But the one thing I didn't agree with was this:

"A man can emotionally detach himself from a woman after the act of having sex. He may cheat but then act as if it never happened. Its not an emotional action but something physical and instinctive. However a woman is much more likely to become emotionally attached and gravitate towards her new partner”

-Seneca

BUT... listen to this ladies, a man that understands what goes through women's heads...

“So if a man cheats its less likely provoked by his woman. If a woman cheats its more than likely its due to her mans inadequacies in some area”.

-Seneca


I do agree that women cheat not because we are selfish but because our partner is lacking something, because I know that's the only reason why I would cheat, if and only if my partner was lacking something AND if we have spoken about it and he refuses to either fix the situation or at least try... because one thing is for certain no one wants a partner that's lacking and then on top of that is unwilling to satisfy their partner, because I'm open to just about everything you throw at me and I expect my partner to be the same.  What I don't agree with is the emotional attachment, because I know I've never been emotionally attached to the person I was cheating with.  They know what their there for and I believe that everyone who cheats should always set the boundaries with the other person on why your actually cheating in the first place because you don't want them catching feelings either. Continuing my conversation with Seneca:

ME: im liking this

SENECA: If there is such a lacking on behalf of the man should she really stay with him and is it worst that she cheated or he cheated?

ME: im only for the cause of cheating if your partner is lacking something and their not willing to do something about it, because that means their only out for their pleasure and not their partners when someone else is obviously willing to do it.

SENECA: Lol is ur partner lacking?

ME: lol we're not talking about my partner... this is going on my blog, I cant talk about that LOL

SENECA: Haha just answer the question... Its "off the record" as u journalist say

-so off record after our discussion about our partners he says-

SENECA: If ur ever in need of a fix I got u

ME: LMFAOOO, ur promoting cheating right now smh

SENECA: Lol its between me n u

SMH I love Seneca, he's always been a good friend, even though he pops in and out of my life, he's always been someone I was comfortable around... he's too funny

Now you hear more about men cheating than you do women, and I know for a fact that there are more women out there who cheat than the ones who have either gotten caught or who have willingly admitted that they have done so.  Yes women are sneaky, depending on the woman, but so are men, their just not as good at it as we are.  Again we are females>felines> as my boyfriend would call cats... "sneaky". HA!

Yes I've cheated before... I believe everyone cheats.  YES, WE ALL DO.  Like I said it comes in different forms.  We either cheat physically, by having any sort of sexual relationship with someone else other than our partner, mentally... yea ladies you know that hot guy you were checking out while your man wasn't looking? YUP, that was cheating. Straight cheating.  Admiration can always lead to  other things.  Flirting? Yes even though it's a simple act, and even when we might be doing it without actually wanting anything out of it, it's still an action that can lead to something else.

I've had this conversation multiple times with many different people, but I always favor what my men have to say, because these are the men who I've hung out with for years and ask them for advice all the time. My friend Carchi decided that he wanted to play both roles but I told him he could only play one and decided that his statement was from his alter ego LOL:

“my opinion is it ain’t cheating until u get caught”. - Carchi

Leave it to Carchi to say that, but for many people that's actually true.  I don't really agree with that.  If your cheating, your cheating, straight out cheating.  That's all I have to say for this segment, part 2 will be up shortly.

"If you know how to cheat start now".  -Earl Weaver




-Butta Love, the provocative verbalist

The Topic of Jealousy in Relationships

What is Jealousy? It is a feeling, an emotion that refers to negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity.

Now, I can personally say that I am not an insecure person but I do get jealous and I really despise when people say they don't get jealous.  There is a difference between being jealous at times and being a jealous person.  Being a jealous person is part of your character, who you are.  It's not part of my character because I can care less what my friends do or boyfriend does, as long as their not out plotting to backstab me or cheat on me, no need to sweat it.  Now I do admit I am very territorial, ask any of my close friends.  I become very territorial when I find my friends hanging out with someone I don't really know or fully trust.  I'm very observant, so if something doesn't click, then yea..

Now I'm the type of person who trusts until you give me a reason to not trust you.  It's a limited trust.  Just because I say I trust you- you better believe it doesn't meant I trust you with anything and everything and to the point that I don't watch you.  Jealousy consists of this, you not trusting your partner, at least for a relationship point of view.  Over the years I have found myself to have a different sort of jealousy.  I've never not trusted my partner, I didn't trust the bitch who was trying to talk to him because of course, us females can be very grimy and there are many desperate females out there, sadly.  So I do steam sometimes if I see another girl approach my partner, depending on my mood though, that's the only factor.

Jealousy can and will blind you, depending on how far you take it.  In my previous relationship, with Fah, even though he did things that physically, emotionally and mentally drained me he didn't want to let me go and what made it harder was that neither did I, him.  It causes you to not want to let go of the person that you love or hate at the moment, wherever your mind is at at that particular part of the relationship.

"Jealousy lives upon doubts.  It becomes madness or ceases entirely as soon as we pass from doubt to certainty".

-Francois de la Rocherfoucauld

I can deal with a jealous partner, not overly jealous, don't want it to be part of his character, but I would appreciate a little bit of it here and there, it kind of shows me, "hey i see what's going on", that he's  not stupid, even if it's a small "yea so you had fun tonight.. i saw you talking with some guy" even if it's casually brought up, which is the best way, it's fine.  It also shows me that he cares enough to get upset, because there are some men that swear on their graves that they "got it like that" or simply because their probably to busy checking out some other chick, LOL, kidding- but seriously ladies I know you know what I'm talking about, and even my men know what I mean.  Just make sure it's not serious to the point where your partner is burning your shit in a bathtub LMAO.

Jealousy can be a destructive emotion.  It ruins lives and relationships and I feel that you must know your limitations and boundaries, if you don't then maybe you should get some help or help for your partner, whoever has the issue.

-Butta Love, the provocative verbalist

The Topic of Marriage

"I like marriage. The idea." -Toni Morrison

Marriage is a union between two people.  Personally, I'm still trying to grasp the concept, the meaning of marriage and what it really stands for.  There are people who are divorcing each other everyday, yet they make a vow in front of God "til death do us part".  I wonder if marriage has been corrupted simply by the people who choose to get married or if the meaning of the word itself has just been twisted and changed throughout the centuries.  People don't always marry for love, but that's how it has always been.  Some cultures have "arranged marriages" in which most of the time the couple grow to love each other, but more as friends than actually lovers.  So I look at a culture like our own and wonder, we have an opportunity, a choice to choose who we want to marry, yet it doesn't work.  Instead of sticking it through, people don't have time or don't care to and find divorce to be an easy get away.

I'm still at an age where I don't fully understand marriage, and I don't know if even people who are older than me do.  Why does marriage have to be a contract?  Why are people fighting to get a piece of their partners belongings, when shouldn't it already be yours also to begin with?  I don't want to, I refuse to get married if this is what it'll look like.  I rather be alone.  I want someone who is willing to marry me and work everything out, one who is going to love me through the rainy days and when I've done wrong and will accept my apology.  Marriage isn't perfect, just how the individuals in it aren't.  I had written a poem for my boyfriend, Kelly, and somewhere at the end of the poem I wrote:

"You see Kelly, your not perfect but your imperfections are for me to see, their what makes you perfectly perfect for me".

- Butta Love, the provocative verbalist

That's how marriage should be.  No one is perfect, but whatever imperfections the other one has should be the ones that fit you.  I don't know if I will ever get married, it seems to mess up everything that seemed to be perfectly fine before it, but I do still have hope in it, because there are many people who's marriages have lasted "til death do us part", and yes there are some who have divorced, because sometimes it doesn't work out the first time, but end up finding their true match.  I hope that when that day comes, I will be saying my vows to my soulmate.  I don't want a replica, I want the real thing; the one I am to spend the rest of my life with.  Marriage is a gift that not all of us get to appreciate.  It is a life long partnership, friendship that cannot be broken.  When someone is meant for you, not even the splitting of the Earth can part you from each other. Marriage is a blessing, a blessing I hope I deserve.

-Butta Love, the provocative verbalist

The Topic of Like vs. Love

**So a few of my friends wanted me to talk about this topic, just to see where my head was and my own personal opinion on it.  There's nothing much that I can say about this topic because to each his own, but this is what I came up with thus far.**

I want to start off with the dictionary definition of each word:

Like (the verb)- to take pleasure in; find agreeable or congenial; to regard with favor; have a kindly or friendly feeling for

Love (the verb)- to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person); to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in; to need or require; to have sexual intercourse with; infused with

In my opinion the comparison between like and love is like night and day, even though one compliments the other, their two different expressions of emotion.  There isn't really an exact picture painted out for you, that's anywhere, actually, it just gives you a sense of reality.  You can easily like someone, take me for example.  I like everyone and anyone until they do something for me to dislike them.  Liking someone isn't hard, loving is.  I believe everyone is loved by someone, whether it be a family member, a friend, or a partner BUT not everyone has THE GIFT TO LOVE, just how not everyone is cut out to be a parent.

To like someone is to play it safe, once you love someone your entering dangerous territory.  We all know that love can make us do crazy things, I know it's made me do crazy things that were not part of my character, but that's what it's all about- sacrificing, sometimes if your willing and if necessary, it's sacrificing who your are or parts of who you are to make things work.  Love is a compromise. To like someone is essential to love someone, not close but liking is the beginning, love doesn't happen overnight, with the exception of those who fall in "love at first sight"; not to put anyone down with that phrase, because I've been there, at least I thought I was, and if you read a lot you'll find out that most people who "fall in love at first sight" are the ones who are creating our high divorce rates, sadly, of course because who wouldn't want to fall in "love at first sight".  I'm a strong believer of "instant connections" because that's exactly what my boyfriend and I had.  We connected on the first day and went on from there.  Yes I love my boyfriend, but I liked him before I loved him. He was an interest, thats what liking someone is.  It's an interest that you have towards someone.

"To me 'like' is when you like a certain quality in a person, to me, that's what 'like' is, its an emotion that's just for the moment.  Love.  Love is something that takes time to grow.  It's no superficial , or at least it shouldn't be." -Lizka Baez; my mother

You always have a choice between liking or loving some one.  Love is a choice you either make or you don't.  You can't blame someone else for your choice.  If love doesn't work with that person, it doesn't mean that you go and start blaming each other for it.  Blame yourself, trust me because a relationship consists of two, or three if your into that sort of thing LOL.  The longer you blame your ex partner the worst it'll be for you, because that means every relationship after that one will continue to repeat itself, because your still blaming your ex and not focusing on what you did wrong, so you will continue to make the same mistakes that will practically mess up  your next relationships.  Love is all about trust- trust that your partner wil not leave you, that they will stay with you through the good and the bad; trust in positivity not in negativity.  If you want it to work you must choose to understand that person, accept, endure, compromise.  A woman can have 10 children under her belt, but I can tell you one thing, if there is a man who loves her, truly loves her, nothing else matters because he will love her and her 10 children, will love her through the bad hair days, through age and much more.

There are always going to be prettier, more handsome, more intelligent people out there, but if your committed, there shouldn't be any problem in following through with it.

One of my favorite quotes on love is, "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love" by Albert Einstein.

Some people keep their emotions to a minimum, they only like in fear of loving, they don't want to love because they fear of falling in love.  I used to be one of those people, sometimes I wonder if I still am, I'm still trying to overcome my "commitment phobia", but life is about living.  So, I let myself fall in 2005 and the first time it happened I fell flat on my ass because there wasn't anyone to catch me, but this is not about the sadness in a previous relationship, its about the lesson learned.  I fell and I lived and knew what it felt like.  Now I'm in the process of falling again and so far I'm loving the ride; he's right behind me making sure I dont hurt myself.  So what if you get hurt, you get up and keep moving.  You will never know what it feels like to fall in love, even if it's for a little while, if your not willing to be strong enough to let go and fall.

Two questions you should always ask yourself when your fighting between strongly liking someone and really loving someone:

1. If your partner were to cheat on you tomorrow, and told you about it, would you be strong enough to forgive them, try and work it through and not throw it in their face for the rest of your life or relationship?

2. If your partner were to get into a car accident, was paralyzed from the waist down, would you stay with them?

If you have answered yes to both these questions and really meant it from the bottom of your heart, then you dont just love this person, your IN LOVE, Congrats because not everyone can find love.

In conclusion, to like someone is simply a pleasure, you can live without it.  Loving someone is rolling over every morning to make sure they didn't go anywhere.  If you ever have to ask yourself more than once if you love the person your with, then you don't love them at all.  The true test of love lies in what happens after the infatuation fades and passion settles.

-Butta Love, the provocative verbalist.