::random thought::

So I just had a conversation with my ex Angel.  As some of you may know, he's just about the only ex that I have a really close relationship with.  He's always been there for me..through my ups and downs, good, bad, all that bonnie & clyde stuff...but during the summer he had confessed his love to me..only thing is I'm pretty convinced that I've found the one for me, and hope that I'm not wrong.  It exhausts me every time we have this conversation because even if I was single, I'm not sure if it would've worked out anyway.  I had recently found out that he's about to have a kid, and it almost made me sick to my stomach, because of the lie.  I have just been going through alot of things lately..with the death of my friend Sunday morning(I didn't post that up b4..i wasnt in the mood to), being seperated from my bf and well if your one of my close guy friends or have been reading the *random thought* posts, you'd get the drift of what else I'm going through...& honestly I just don't have the time for more drama. I think today was the toughest conversation I've had with any guy in a long time, & what makes it worse is that I truly love Angel, with all my heart..but I get tired of games.  I'm still crying, just because I told him that he should love me as a friend and nothing else, because truth is, we're not in 8th grade anymore & that whole fairy tale of ours of us being together forever and getting married is not going to happen.  I dont know why love makes things so difficult, why it complicates everything, why it forces you to choose.  I never want to loose Angel, EVER. But I feel like this summer was just to much of a roller coaster for us, and I hope that we could still, like we always have, remain close friends..even with all this baggage behind us.