At the end of your days no one is really there
No matter how many times they tell you –they care
No one can fix your problems; no one can ever understand what you’re going through
0r even pretend like they know your whole life story out of the blue.
Feel like crying? Suck it up! You’re in pain? Toughen’ up!
Cause at the end of your days when the crying comes to a pause-
You’re the only one that knows about your misery and its cause.
No one knows how happy we were before this
No one knows about our memories and how I reminisce-
On-if I did the right thing on letting you go because-I can never escape you; cant pretend like you didn’t exist-
My dreams destroy me thinking about our first kiss BUT why alone must I go through this?
My main squeeze, being with him was being at ease. Baby never hesitated to be a tease.
Always delivered, made me blush, never shy to get in between my knees.
I remembered when you’d give up your happiness to get rid of my pain
You flowed through my mind you kept me sane.
He gave me life in my cold, fucked up heart and gave me air in my smoked out lungs.
After my last relationship you showed me something different-
I didn’t give a damn about boys but you taught me about commitment.
Shit got perfect for a moment or two; waking up to you was like smelling the freshness of mourning dew.
But nothing so pure goes untainted-
Sometimes things don’t work; no one knows were it went wrong. One morning I realized our melodies didn’t go to the same song.
How do you wake up to the same man everyday to realize you don’t love him anymore that he’s no longer the man you used to adore.
He was the better man, the one you wanted to be your man-
The one you considered to be a true man, the one who’d never leave you stranded, stood by your side “type of man”- he was a real man.
At the end of the day no one is really there
No matter how many times they tell you-they care.
We went for a whole month without talking because you couldn’t believe I was carrying your seed for 2 months-
And aborted it.
Baby I’m sorry, baby I panicked.
I didn’t want to become another stereotype for a female Hispanic.
I wasn’t ready because I wanted to live out my future.
All I thought was, what’s my mom going to think, what’s my dad going to do when I’m eating for two?
Baby I apologize for not thinking of you.
Shit was getting worse when you lost your job, made you feel less of a man because I could see it through your eyes that you didn’t want to depend on a woman-
But my love- I was your woman.
He let me take care of him-
For a day or two before he went back to his old ways, hitting the block, selling that “e”, selling them rocks.
Don’t judge him because he wasn’t like that. he stood out from all the other guys, he wasn’t hood-
He only seemed to do this because the money was good. THEN-
The weed, the coke, the “e” became good too
He snuck around and even if I knew about it then, I don’t know if I would’ve know what to do.
Oh yea, he made excuses. I was robbed; the cops came.
Giving me headaches, that’s all I had-
This is when things really got bad.
Nobody was there when I had to help him re-up when he fucked up the profits,
It was all love when it came out of my pocket.
I started loosing my grasp. I started loosing him-day by day-
Started loosing myself, never realizing I was loosing him to a new habit.
He picked up the-coke habit, the “e” habit, it was no longer just a regular weed habit.
He’d disappear on me for days at a time without calling and knowing where he was and I started not to care.
My feelings started to perish as I started to forget all of the memories I cherished.
I didn’t want to turn my back on you because I told you I’d always be there; but all of the reckless and cold shit you did just wasn’t fair.
You missed our last three anniversaries, last one making a year and ten months.
No more tears left, when you left me home alone, it was no surprise to me, definitely should’ve known.
The night of my graduation, we got into an argument about me leaving to college.
There was a point in our relationship when we had this all figured out.
We planned that you would move up with me, no problems, no doubts.
one of the most important days of my life
I sat on stage with my class looking for you as the chair next to my mother was getting cold, thinking about what to tell my dad since he was sick of your excuses, they were getting old.
As I saw everyone’s boyfriends coming in, eyes swelled up, felt like I couldn’t breathe while something overcame me within.
They called my name and I went off stage to grab my diploma and as I looked up- I saw you by the door but once I got back to my seat you weren’t there anymore.
That night I locked myself up in my room wondering on how my life would resume-
I’ve had it and I forced myself to open my eyes
Because it was time for change, revisions, goodbyes.
No more talks about marriage, being together forever
No more picking out baby names whatsoever
You didn’t show the feelings that you should’ve shown and it hurt so bad to realize there were no longer two because I was on my own.
At the end of the day no one is really there
No matter how many times they tell you-they care
So even when something has broken you down make sure to get back up and stand on your own two feet-
Thanks for listening to MY story, on how a beautiful relationship used to be concrete.
-Butta Love, the provocative verbalist
