Sunday, May 23, 2010

::random thought::

so I haven't been feeling myself lately...i've been feeling a bit confused...and have been putting myself in denial for who knows how long/ havent even written a random thought in a long time--

so I've never spoken about him- he's been a secret/undercover in my heart for a while and as of right now---i think i'm fucked.  so i still havent put an end/cut it with the other guy i'm still talking to because I care about him--ALOT...and i'm still foolishly hoping that he'll open his eyes and see that i'm slipping away--for once in my life i want to be stopped because i want him...but what do you do when someone might not want you the same anymore?thats how ive been feeling...& on top of it all--hes in syracuse, we barely talk and havent ichatted yet---

now the new/old has always been there and the process of feeling for him the way i do was never rushed and it grew over time...lovely growing grace period...the new/old guy came to jersey today to see me...spent a bit together and Dad just laughed when he found us on the couch..what am i going to do- i dont know; we'll have to see...this summer is going to be long as hell--