Sunday, May 2, 2010

Mirror, Mirror in My Hand

So this is the edited and completed version of "changing me to perfect"::

I felt dizzy when I finally woke up.  It seemed like I ha been sleeping forever.  There was nothing occupying the space I was in but myself.  The recovery room was completely white and I felt I was in a psychiatric ward.
“Liz…wake up.”
I kept feeling like nothing, as if death had swallowed me whole.  My heart felt empty, beating in my chest sounding like the echo of a hollow tree.  My vision was still blurry and I could almost see fog rolling in and out of my vision
“Liz, baby- wake up.”  Who the hell is that?
My entire body was numb and I felt as though I had no face.  I finally remembered that I just had surgery.  I didn’t feel any pain, though.  I couldn’t remember what I had surgery for until I heard his voice, again…
“Oh baby, you were out for so long.”
I remembered everything now.  My eyesight improved as the numbness started to wear off, and then I realized where my surgery was.  The pain wasn’t unbearable but once I put my hands on my face I felt the heavy bandage wrapped around my entire head.  As David smiled, he handed me a mirror.
“You should be the first to see yourself.”
A pain rushed throughout my entire body.  It was like a horror movie, starring myself.  I felt alone and ugly without knowing what was underneath the mask.  He wanted my eyes to be bigger, my lips fuller and my nose straighter…and that’s what I got.  He wanted high cheekbones and wanted my eyelids to no longer sag.
I remembered that this change was supposed to be for the better.  It came out for the worse as I unwrapped the bandages.  I needed to change it all- because I know he would love me more this way.  He explained that the marks on my face would soon disappear and that it was all part of the recovering process.  I turned to look at my husband,
“Do you love me now?”
“I will love you more this way.”