Thursday, February 25, 2010

"Mirror Mirror, In My Hand"

I felt dizzy when I finally woke up from what seemed like a sleep that had lasted forever.  There was nothing occupying the space I was in but myself.  I saw a white table next to me with silver things that looked like utensils- very sharp looking utensils.

“Liz… wake up.”

I kept feeling like ‘nothing’ as if death had swallowed me whole.  Emptiness was the way that my heart felt when it beat in my chest, only to hear the sound of a hollow tree.  My vision was still a bit blurry and I could almost see fog coming in and out of my vision.  I didn’t even feel my heart beating.

“Liz, baby- wake up.”  Who the hell is that? and who is Liz?

I was numb from the surgery.  I finally remembered that I just had surgery  There was no pain felt. I didn’t quite remember what I had surgery for until I heard his voice again…

“Oh baby, you were out for so long.”


I remembered everything now.  No more fogged up eyesight as the numbness that I felt started to wear off and I then realized where my surgery was.  The pain wasn’t unbearable but once David handed me a mirror pain rushed throughout my entire body.  It was like being in a horror movie with yourself as the main character.  I felt alone… ugly.

I wanted my eyes to be bigger, my lips fuller, my nose straighter and that’s what I got.  Then lets not forget that I wanted high cheekbones and didn’t want my eye lids to sag either.

I remembered that this change was supposed to be for the better, yet, it came out for the worse.  I needed to change it all-because I know he would love me more this way.  My husband told me, he would love me more this way.